This is not scientific, but I believe that you can take the pulse of a society’s collective emotional state by observing the way people drive. Over the last few months, I have noticed that it has become increasingly hair-raising to be on the road. I see much more highly aggressive driving, extreme speeding, risk-taking and jeopardizing the safety of others. In case you are wondering if it’s just that I am a very cautious driver (I am!), I have surveyed many others, and they too have noticed this.
Sometimes, driving can be a way to express negative feelings–a fight with a partner, a difficult child, financial strain, illness, politics or any other big life stressor can elevate tough feelings. Then, cutting someone off, speeding past them, or tailgating can be a subconscious displacement of anger or frustration, as a way to feel in-control, or to channel these feelings.
Often, people don’t see themselves as driving recklessly or even see the connection between their feelings and driving: they don’t recognize the potenial harm to themselves or others, until it is too late.
So…lately, it feels to me like many people are struggling emotionally and using their time on the road to cope with their negative feelings. If, after reading this, you perhaps see yourself or someone you love in these words, here are some ways to stop using driving as a coping strategy to manage negative feelings:
Look around you while you are driving—if most people on the road are driving more slowly, or cautiously than you, recognize that it is appropriate for you to match, rather than challenge this rhythm. Use the ‘norm’ as a barometer for how you should drive, not as a challenge to drive faster or more dangerously.
Check your emotional level—if you feel impatient, frustrated or experience road rage, do your best to counteract these feelings, not lean into them, even if you don’t want to do so. Play calming music, stay in the middle lane, take slow deep breaths, keep your foot on the brake until the light changes, pause an extra second at a stop sign. Doing these things will help regulate your mood downwards so that you are no longer a hazard to yourself or others.
Try to avoid being on the road during high traffic times—for many people, traffic triggers anger; if so, try to leave earlier or later so that you are less likely to get stuck in traffic. As you become better at assessing and controlling your feelings while driving, you won’t need to take this step because you will become more able to control your anger using other techniques rather than aggressive driving.
Think about what might motivate you to slow down—injuring yourself or someone else? Damage to your car? Financial, criminal or legal ramifications? Disappointing your loved one if something happens? Find the thing that is more motivating than the thrill of risky driving, and focus on that.
The bottom line: Some people reading this will tell themselves that they are in control, that their speed or aggressive driving is not a big deal, or that it is worth the thrill. This is true, right up until the second it isn’t true anymore. And in that second, it is too late for a re-do.