This article is for parents…and everyone that still has an inner child who needs nurturing (that’s all of us!)
Every time I glance at social media, I see another theory for how to be a good parent. Be gentler, be stricter, less helicoptering, or pay more attention; it’s better to let them cry it out, co-sleep, play independently or do every art project ever with them.
It’s endless and impossible to achieve it all. In fact, I am here to tell you something radical that will help you to realize that to be an amazing parent you do not need to do all of that!
Kids require ALL these kinds of parenting—and others, on different days and even throughout one day. Sometimes you need to set tough boundaries, other times it’s appropriate to be more flexible or gentle. It’s valuable to do (some of) the TikTok art projects with your child, but it’s also critical to teach self-confidence by supporting independent play. Neurological hard wiring may demand more soothing at bedtime during some parts of a child’s lifespan, but not others.
So, give yourself a break—take ideas from the enormous number of parenting strategies and styles you learn about and then use what works for you and your child right now. Be prepared to use another strategy later. Your goal is not to do everything perfectly all the time. It is to do your best right now using your knowledge and instincts, confident that you can pivot when necessary.
As adults, we need to ‘parent’ our inner child with the same flexibility and forgiveness. Today you may need to push yourself to get up early and workout, but tomorrow, you can sleep in because your body needs it. It’s okay to be social for a few months but then take a break to regroup and nurture yourself quietly. As you go through your life, continue to assess your level of capacity and self-love. Perhaps, if you’re being pulled hard, burdened with obligations or emotional stress, it may not be the time to start a diet or take on a new responsibility.
What kind of self-parenting do you need right now? Forgiveness…a pep talk…a reset…coffee with a friend? Keep self-reflecting and re-assessing, and pivot when necessary!
Bottom line: Whether you are parenting an actual child or your inner child, release yourself from the burden to do everything, all the time, and the guilt of not doing so. It won’t make you a better parent or a more successful person.